Relinquishing Control

I'd always thought if you could justify something, it was a lot better than making an excuse for something. The two are essentially the same thing; one is not better than the other.

One thing I constantly justify is being able to have control over my life. I justify that with so many reasons (i.e it's my life, I should decide for myself what's good for me, how can I trust in another being that everything will be okay? etc.) Little did I realize, just because I can justify my reasons for something doesn't eliminate the error.


I come from a society where control equates to power. A lot of us do. Most of us do. Control over your family's financial stability, emotions, health, well-being, happiness, decisions -- we as humans like to be in control. Being in control essentially means, you've got it figured out. Losing control on the other hand is a sign of weakness. So it's not unfamiliar territory I'm reaching here when I say relinquishing control is one of the hardest things to ask of anyone, let alone a Christian. And I don't mean relinquishing control in one area of your life, but leaving things to God in all areas of your life. 


I admitted this to God tonight: I'm afraid that my intentions for certain things are for the wrong reasons. I'm not sure of what to go, which path to take, which decision to make. God, if you're real, reveal yourself to me for tonight and help me figure out the right thing to do. And as I sat there in RUF, Billy read a passage from Romans and shared what it meant for us to be a living sacrifice. He shared that while in some areas we leave everything up to God because we feel comfortable doing so, there are some areas in which we make up our own rules.

God has answered my prayer and was speaking through Billy. Am I making my own rules when it comes to school? Extracurriculars? Do I do everything with God in mind? Or do I make up my own rules for certain things because they mean more much to me as a human, and by greed and selfishness I am failing to give that up? Would I feel comfortable giving up certain things for God, or do I prioritize things so that they, instead of God, become my life?

We are always faced with tough decisions. As my friend told me today, God has the power to change whatever it is that we may have planned for days and months in a split second. We need to trust him and put our faith in him, because he knows what's up and he'll take care of us. As my favorite Bible verse says (God spoke to me through this verse upon my decision to renew my faith):


For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.
They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 
In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
- Jeremiah 29:11-12

Steps to relinquish control:
1. Pray that you be genuine and glorify God in what you do:
If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. 

2. Trust that God has a plan for you:
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.

AND THEN LET GO.
Relinquish control.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. (Romans 8:28)

I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? (Psalm 56:4)

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6)

The greedy stir up conflict, but those who trust in the LORD will prosper. 
Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe (Proverbs 28:25-26)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present all your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Phillippians 4:6-7)

What does it mean to be "a Christian"

"Someone once told me, if you love God, you would want to start living the way God wants you to live. Not because you had to, but because you wanted to. But if I'm not ready to live that way just yet, does that mean I don't love God?"

"No. It means you're human."

I had an awesome lunch date today with this awesome gal (let's just call her Alice) and we pretty much just talked about God. We specifically talked about the rights that God has over us and defined what it means to be a Christian.

When I first accepted God into my life I had no idea what being a Christian meant. All I knew was that I felt empty, broken, sinful, sad, damaged, and in a desperate need of someone to help me. That someone was God (1). One morning, when I was at the most dejected state of my life I felt an overwhelming presence of this "being." I can't explain it in words but I felt as though someone was reaching out to me and telling me, "you're not alone." I didn't have to do anything to deserve this being's love. It was there and it was reaching out to me.

Alice told me that's the first step of being "Christian." You acknowledge that people are sinful (For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God - Romans 3:23),  and God has a plan to save us from sin (In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins - 1 John 4:10).

Then what? What came next wasn't so easy.
I confused christianity with culture.
I thought having doubt and questions meant that christianity wasn't real.
I thought I was alone in my struggles.
I didn't understand this concept of "pursuing a relationship with God."
It's as if I was telling everybody that Bon Jovi was my favorite musician when the only track I knew was "Livin' on a Prayer."

Alice told me that was the hard part.
"When we enter into a relationship with God we’re basically adopted," she said.
(But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - John 1:12).

That is the path I am now. I am pursuing a relationship with God.
And since so many people refer to that phrase, I'll try to rephrase it in my own terms:
I want to know more about who he is and who his son was.
I now look to God when I'm having a bad day.
I talk to him (a lot) in my head.
I talk to him (not as much) outloud.
I sing to him (A LOT).
I ask about him (A LOT).
I question his existence from time to time.
I cry because of him from time to time.
I get angry at him.
I sometimes turn my back on him.
I pray to him.
I thank him.
I ask him for favors.

Here's a little logic lesson I teach myself when in doubt:
If God didn't exist, the anger, gratitude, atonement and love I feel towards this "being" then can't be real. But since these feelings ARE real, and because I KNOW and FEEL it's real, then God must be real. And essentially, developing these feelings for someone, growing in friendship and beginning to love someone, is what building a relationship is all about. Therefore, I must be developing a relationship with God (2).

That to me, is what it means to be a Christian.

1 John 4:12

No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us (NLT).

If you think about it,
Love,
is a beautiful thing.
a beautiful concept.
And this world is abundant in love.

There's a lot of evil in this world too.
And there'll be many times when evil will make us forget love.

For me, when "evil" takes over -
and I feel sadness, anger and jealousy,
I turn to love.

God's love for me, God's love fo us  -
that's where love first began.
The "birth" of true love began with Him,
and we are blessed to have received this love,
and now know what it means to love others in return.

So I know that if all else fails, and I begin to have doubt and lose hope,
Love, is how I will know that God is true.

Because really,
that's the only thing I know is true.
Love is what fights evil and what proves evil wrong.

How do we know how to love?
How do we feel love?
What is love?
Do we learn it from our parents, our friends, our teachers?
How did love begin and how was it taught to us?

The answer for me lies below: